Small events in life that make you think...

We meet people in varying circumstances, at different periods of time and for varying reasons. Some of them leave an impression before you know, while others fail to leave one all your life.

We all meet people in what I call "Human Chemistry" brackets...

1. People you grow up with- Mother, brothers & sisters
2. People who walk into your family- brothers in law, select friends
3. People who dash into your life- Wife, serious love interests that did not work
4. Seasonal/ lifestyle friends- Close friends in college we loose touch with, friends in our early years of career, golfing/ movie/shopping buddies and so on
5. Soul mates- Real soul mates we meet up during our life time who stay right. We meet several of them and think this is the one, but very few of them really are
6. Hormonal reactions- These range from crush to infactuation to childhood romance. Sometimes we sacrifice a lot in pursuit of something which never was meant to be....
7. Intellectual Stimulators/ Admirable characters- We sometimes bump into this person who is oozing with knowleddge, select colleagues and bosses. Then there are also sportsman, filmstar or artists as the case may be. We dont really know them but admire them and build a bond with the profession they excel in.

Those within the 1st bracket are the ones we hardly ever thank, for they are expected to support and be there for us. But, as we grow older, we grow closer to them for we know what it really takes to be a mother, responsible brother and so on.

You can never really understand what makes some of these relationships in the 1st bracket so wonderful..... You dont need anything material or explicit to solicit a certain reaction.... For eg- the relationship between a grand parent and grand son even though they live miles away and havent met in ages....

My nephew's Grand parents came home and the little one without even prompting (we all thought we would need to explain to him and make him understand that he should spend time with them too!!!) he said I will come with you home and come back to mama's place tomorrow. You should have seen the pride on the granny's eyes!!! That said it all. These are the moments that make life. Dont they? Love can really pass through people, times and systems!!! The little kid could have been more interested in worldly matters like the movie or the games we all have been watching/ playing during his vacation, for he is innocent and does not understand the importance of small precious times with loved ones or so we all believe. We always thought that as we get older we realize that its important to spent time with family as all other things can wait

But, who told the 6-year old that he would miss out on these family moments if he played with his toy? Who told the kid that his grand parents are waiting to take the little one in their hands, pontify and cajole him all night for all they know is to give love and completely unconditional at that? Thats the power of the 1st category of love. It does not need anyone to tell you, for when it is true it will shoot across systems!!!

Now, did someone say something about treasuring moments?????

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Vacation agenda for my nephews and niece!!!

Hey Guys,

Been real busy with my sister and kids visiting from the US on vacation. Like any other mama (Uncle) I have put in place a vacation agenda for the kids. Some of you lazy uncs can refer the same for ideas!!! I had put some pictures and graphics to the agenda and then printed the same with the gifts to give them a feeling of being on some sort of summer camp.

Statutory Warning: If you give kids an agenda, stick by it. Else, all hell will break loose!!! Even your bosses with all the project management softwares in the world cant track a plan to the tee, the way they do!!!

Welcome to your SUMMER CAMP

Guys, you have a great time ahead of you. All I need is your support and participation.

Agenda

June 26th- Arrival Day & Rest

June 27th- Mama gets a l’il older. So, we will go out bowling at the bowling alley, some video games and then for some dinner so that you’re loose mummy/ ellemma can also fill her taste buds. Natasha & Ashray will join us

June 28th – Its “Wonder La” time. We are heading off to a fun place to play on land rides and water games. Natasha and Ashray will also join us. What awaits you is fun & more fun

June 29th – It’s a working day. So, Natasha & Ashray will be busy. Day time we will play at home. But, the evenings packed. We have to head off to Mysore road for “Go Karting”. What awaits you is fun & more fun

June 30th – Today is a lazy day and we have no real plans. We will laze around and have some fun at home. We will head out of a movie to Inox or PVR. In the evening, we will head out for some toy shopping. After that, Rekha gets to eat some exquisite cuisine!!!

July 1st – Today is Bannerghatta Zoo day. We are gonna have some fun today seeing new animals. What awaits you is animals and more animals!!!

July 2nd – Today is a holy day. We will head off to Cheriya Guruvayoor temple in the morning. Today is Rekha’s eating day. We will also head out of a movie to Inox or PVR. We will take her out to the famous Samarkand.

July 3rd – Today we are gonna leave for a resort for an outing!!!! We will stay over at Jungle Hut and have some fun by the bonfire. It’s going to be all fun with swimming, games and so on!!! What awaits you is fun & more fun

July 4th – Fun at the resort continues

July 5th – Today we leave early morning to Salem by car!!!! We are gonna meet your grandparents. Next 2 weeks you guys are there, while Rohit mama heads back to work

Next agenda will follow on your return.

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Chapter 3- There you go!!!

One of the most commonly irritating traits in a kid aged between 3 and 6 is the questioning rounds they subject their parents and close ones alike to. Why does the questioning seem irritating because they are perceived to be dumb by the so-called educated grown-ups?

My elder sister and I were sipping a cup of coffee one evening and discussing some of the fascinating events they have been subject to. One particular event baffled me. My sister, her husband and the two kids went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. My sister carried a small box of home made food for the little one alone. While the other 3 set out to eat their dinner, my sister took out the box of home made food for the little one and fed her from it. The eldest one was observing this all along and wondering why his little sister was subjected to such discrimination. So, he said- Mom- I have a doubt? Now, my sisters first reaction- oops here we are having a sumptuous dinner and do we really need this questioning and very smartly passed the day’s questions over to her husband. So, he went on- “Appa (Dad) why are you not giving Chinese food to my baby sister?
My Brother in LAW (BIL)- Because its not healthy to give them Chinese food till they are 2 years old*
Adith: But why Appa
My BIL: Because it affects brain growth and you don’t want your sister to have that problem, Do you?
Adith: Hmmmm….Hmmmmm….

A long pause followed which left everyone concerned; a bit anxious on where the next question is going to come from and that could come from anywhere…. But little did they prepare for the next one!!!

Adith (With a curious face): So do you mean to say all Chinese kids are brainless then.

My BIL: Ahem Ahem…. Silence… Took a spoonful of noodles and gaped into everyone’s eyes.

Now, here is a man who is known for his logic and analytical capability among his friends, colleagues and family, left wondering and baffled at a question from someone who is all of 6 years old. Did someone say “Kya Aap Panchvi pass ho?” (Are you smarter than a fifth grader?)

*Now we Indians have an age old custom, we do not give Chinese food to kids below 2 years as it contains Ajenomoto and the same is considered un-healthy and detrimental to the child’s growth. Now, that’s another of those traditions that we follow but with no logic and answer.

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My trip to USA (Part 2)

Thud!!! Thud!!! Thud!!!

Having been used to living alone, this was something I was now growingly alien to….Yes, there were some days when I went to sleep with a “Thud!!!Thud!!! No surrogate meaning here…. I was talking about the misery we are put to by our otherwise generous Indian cricketers (Things have changed since Dhoni took over though) or after seeing one of those all-time hero bashing the bad guy movie!!! Well the thought of our bosses and deadlines do give that feeling too but in this age of blackberry’s and lap-tops, the more its in-tuned into our systems, the better it is (for you would have no shocks!!!)

But I am referring to those Thuds my elder sister and I were subject to more often than not. The Thud that was heard when my grand-uncle would get the guy with the most sought after profession in the country side today to pluck coconuts (no joke this eh- a village with more than 20,000 trees would have 2-3 people in the profession) in the early hours of the morning when in my dictionary only birds should be allowed to wake up and not humans The coconuts would fall one after another and it would be relentless…. Else, it could be what we call the ultimate bomb- my mom’s third wake up call (from a humble beginning to a warning of dire consequences to missiles in the form of what we call “mothers own atom bomb”)

But this felt different (a bit more on the head quite literally) and what was most amusing in that sleep pilferaged by some thuds was the stifled laughter!!! I knew what was transpiring but 30 hours of travel had its own effects!!! I finally opened my eyes, almost felt like Kumbakarna from Ramayan though!!! Here are a bunch of kids all excited that the joker from yesterday has arrived but for the latest entrant, trying to wake me up. They started by singing and then on to Adith who decided to hug me tight and take me through the love route (only for him to realise that I have succeeded in putting him on the highway to sleep) and then on to Neel who baited me that we could see Jungle Book 2 on TV (Well there were 2 people who were laughing- one myself- Grrr!!! That’s where (world of business) I came from I wondered and the second the latest entrant into the family- one could see her eyes saying why do you want to show him a movie on the place he belongs to J) And then finally out came Navya the war-house. She climbed on top of my head and treated it like a trampoline. That was enough to wake the worst of Kumbarkarans!!!

Up I got up and ran behind the little ones!!! That was some joy; a stark contrast to my daily run in the morning to the bathroom at 8 to be in office at 9….or the running I subjected my direct reports to on the day of report delivery!!! They ran like there was no tomorrow; running from one sofa to another and from one room to another. However, there was one person among the 5 of us who ran for different reasons. Our latest entrant ran for she really believed that there was some kind of an Alien invasion. At times I felt like those initial moments in Gulliver’s Travels when they tie the protagonist up. The little ones ran to the lawn and suddenly it felt like the whole jungle had come out. At one side, there was my elder sister also running around, trying hard to get them to eat, while on the other side my eldest sister was running around, trying hard to get one of them to take bath as is the morning ritual….. Little should I say that none of the latter events took place and the kids won hands down. Out came my brother in law with the cam-corder. He opened up the sprinklers as well. This send the kids into a tizzy; they behaved like there was no tomorrow. Jumping by the sprinklers and striking poses that only they could think off. Navya introduced each passerby to me as her uncle, then dad and finally – my mother’s bvethehhhhhhh (brother). What a joy it was to see that!!! Just then something unimaginably cute happened- the little one looked at me and asked her mom- What is that? Not bad eh!!! She is now re-thinking if this really is something she has ever seen inside a cage. Not bad for progress I wondered and we moved back inside slowly to settle down for breakfast.

We all settled down with much adieu and with each passing hour the mayhem abated. Giving the kids food meant an intense parley of negotiation between the kids and mothers. And sometimes when the negotiation was too tilted towards one-side (goes without saying it was the kids side), they even had a third party negotiator involved in the form of my brothers in law. The discussions were pretty multi-faceted and dynamic in nature with each stakeholder having a clear rationale for his or her stand. The eldest one wanted to see “Curious George” because it was fun as well as educative. Now mom has always told him to learn things, so could she even try denying it? My eldest sisters son wanted to see Jungle Book 2 for it was new, no-one had seen it and Uncle also wants to see it! I looked down and suddenly looked up in absolute shock!!! When did I become a part of such a potentially catastrophic and nuclear negotiation deal agreement?; I wondered. Thanks to one of the better negotiators- my elder sister who said don’t pull him in for he does not want to see the movie (Ah!!! Did I heave a sigh of relief) and then came the queen cum bandit queen of the family-Navya. Mom- I want to see Dova for I am a givl (girl). Again a very rationale argument... In an age where women have equal civil rights and even contribute more as a consumer (latest research reports claim if a husband and wife were left in a shopping mall to buy an apparel, on an average a man covered 500 sq feet and USD 33 while woman spent USD 876 and 3,000 sq feet- all things remaining constant) Now from both a marketing and civil rights angle she had a rights to her voice and a justifiable reason. What we had was a typical case of Adam Smith’s philosophy of limited resource and unlimited wants. We had 2 Televisions and 3 wants. But what made it worse was all 3 of them wanted the projector TV, so we were down to 3 wants and 1 option. To a stranger like me this situation represented nothing lesser than 2 heads of states negotiating on their security.

My mom passed a judgment- We will watch Curious George now as a group as he asked first and then in the afternoon the next one will watch and so on. Out went Neel to one corner and up-went Navya on top of the sofa like a typical Indian parliamentarian. Both of them whole-heartedly refused the solution. This lead to 3 levels of discussion coupled with shrieks and shrills. My eldest sister spoke to Neel, while my brother in law spoke to Navya. My elder sister spoke to Adith and accentuated the need for sharing and giving. But my elder sister proved a great negotiator here. She gave it the tag of sacrifice and maturity and how people would perceive you a grown up if you gave up now (At that age kids aspire to grow faster than they are and like all of us desire to be called big boys!) Out came Adith stating we will watch Jungle Book guys. Out came Navya saying she is fine to watch Dova in the smaller TV. With this what was potentially transpiring to snowball into a mountain of woes settled down faster than I ever imagined. Consequently in the afternoon a similar scene transpired and the actors in the scene found new solutions each time they were challenged.

As it was the first time it happened, the whole episode both enthralled and capitulated me. But with each passing day, I settled down faster and even a reached a stage where I was a reluctant and petrified participant to the negotiations……. Another case of how engaging and exciting it is to involve yourself with the great world of parenting and kids psychology.

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My trip to USA (Part 1)

Kids are a gift of God

June 26th 1:00 pm and I arrive at the St Pauls Domestic airport after a 15-hour flight from Mumbai to New York and then from NY to Kentucky. That was probably the most anxious 24-hours of my life. The wait to see the little ones was sometimes over-powering and sometimes too boring that I slept my entire way to the twin-city (Minneapolis). The guy weighing the bags at the counter could not get over the fact that someone from India traveled with baggage which was actually lesser then the permitted levels. Quite un-heard for us Indians who always travel with excess baggage and plead with the poor lady sitting in the counter to not charge us.

There was this clean-shaven tall and thin guy waiting to pick me up. I looked at him and looked at me again… I looked up at him and looked back again. Did the lack of sleep catch up with me or has time caught up only with me and forgotten the others around me? I was left with this thought lingering in my mind as I walked across to the parking station. As my brother in law just swiped through the parking system which was un-manned and yet so systematic and calm with each car going about its way of swiping cards, paying their parking fees and driving across, I was left with a new thought- America is really on a cost-cutting spree and none of the toll-booths have a sprinkling of human beings while our country would have a person standing next to an automatic machine at our malls to just take the slip and give it.

And then as we drove through the green pastures and fields, I was left wondering if I was in the deepest of Kerala or the so-called “Uncle Sam’s land of prosperity”. And then I came back to the million dollar question- My brother in law who is all of 8 years elder to me looked as old as I am, if not younger!!! It can’t be just the fact the time pieces stopped. It obviously was a factor of me being lazy and finding a reason in the fact that work kept me busy, while he found that extra time to cycle and mow his lawn to keep himself fit. What was most apparent was my bulging paunch (my friends joke my paunch comes before I do J) and his non-existent one.

Enroute we dropped into my eldest sisters little one’s school and picked her up. She (Navya as she is known) was a replica of my sister. She looked at me with those tiny little innocent eyes. Those eyes had a sense of anxiousness to it and yet had this heavenly twinkle each time it blinked. I lifted her up and she twitched around and then slowly went to her father, holding him tight. She got all packed literally into her car seat (Hmmmm!!!! I wonder if my cousins in India can ever be told to sit in a car-seat without creating a ruckus and getting some undue attention from passers-by)

We got talking from her friends to her favourite character- Dova (Dora the explorer!!!) and I gave her a small make-up set and she clasped to it with that innocent and anxious eyes. Those eyes spoke a thousand words. She spoke about her bvotheh (brother) and how she voves (loves) him. We reached home and she just ran in once her father freed her of her clutches called seat belt. She ran in saying hey Vekha (Rekha- my elder sister) your bvotheh (brother) has come. My sister was standing there along with mom and the herd of little ones- my elder sisters daughter (the latest entrant at 1.5 years), my look alike (son of 6 years) and my eldest sister’s son and Navya’s bvotheh (brother)!!!

I had this sense of being a Santa Claus!!! The paunch that I had added to the feeling!!! I arrived with 2 boxes full of gifts for my little ones!!! What a pleasure it was to dole out gifts for the ones who mean more to me than I had ever imagined. On hindsight, writing this piece is more emotional than the actual event, for the whole experience was enjoyable, enthralling and once in a generation.

Navya was in her elements. She was all happy and jumping!!! She took the role of being the distribution agent, handing over the gifts to the respective recipients. Her commission a gift for every gift the kids get J “Not bad eh”; remarked my elder sister.

The kids were a bundle of joy and the joy was also dispersed by moments of WWE style entertainment between the two boys on which of the cars were actually faster and which of “Buzz light year’s” were actually stronger.

In between all this joy, there was a loud shrill followed by tears. My elder sisters little one just happened to have a real look at me and guess she was reminded of the hairy thing she saw inside a cage just a week back and was left wondering how in heaven’s sake did the grizzly bear enter my home. My mom and sister tried in vain to convince her of my human roots but she refused to and that rejection stayed on for over a week!!!

Then my eldest sister came. Now I had no more words to spell out for she had reduced over 18 kilograms and was as fit as fit can be. Can I even think of finding a reason- Work? Well, she works like all of us and pretty successful at that. She cooks, takes care of her children and keeps fit. Well, something had changed around me but I hadn’t. Work was ultimately not the end all!!!

Navya came running again- Amma- Your bvotheh (brother) has come. See See!!! Ha ha ha ha. What a joy it is to see her call me that.

And then started her Q&A session-

Navya: Mom- Is Rohit mama a girl (For those who don’t know what mama means, in my local language its called Uncle)-
My sister replied- No, does he look a girl? Why you asking me that sweetie?
Navya: But his name says Mommy (Mama). He should be called my Uncle or Daddy
Sister: No dear- Mama means uncle and that’s the way we call mother’s brother in our place
Navya- Then should he not be called Brother (Etta in my language)

My sister was left scratching her head. To my sister’s saving grace, my mom called out dinner. We all had a good laugh and headed for the dinner table.

I was now clear what people in India keep talking about- ABCD- here is a perfect example of “American Born Confused Desi” She had no roots in India but her parents wanted her to. Well, she has no reference point and how is it even possible for her to think like an Indian? I was so in love with the moment that I never wanted it to end!!!

With that thought I went to bed at 11:30 pm.

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